The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Skull

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not over here there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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