The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and nearness .

But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can More Info grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full click to find out more attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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