The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings enormous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical view responses are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .

However More Help when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in urban locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Many gay guys wish to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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